I don’t much care for rules. These are more like… guidelines. Some of the following admonitions are personal and apply only to my own crochet designing (#25 in particular), but most may be generalized.
I ignore #2, #7 and #11 all the time and as a result I end up breaking #5.
In no particular order of importance, here’s a rundown of Doris’ Crochet Caveats:
Rule #1: No time spent crocheting is ever wasted.
Rule #2: Keep track of your markers.
Rule #3: That’s not a mistake, that’s a design element.
Rule #4: There’s no such thing as too much yarn.
Rule #5: There’s no crying in crochet.
Rule #6: Never start a project without at least two hooks in the required size.
Rule #7: No coffee within 10 feet of yarn, projects, patterns or critical paperwork.
Rule #8: Block that puppy.
Rule #9: If the hook is not moving easily and smoothly in and out of the stitches, you are crocheting too tightly. Relax.
Rule #10: If it hurts, stop.
Rule #11: Check your work. Often.
Rule #12: Seam crochet only when absolutely unavoidable.
Rule #13: Cut yarn only when absolutely unavoidable (see special circumstance Rule #19).
Rule #14: The private should look as good as the public.
Rule #15: Whenever doable, obtain twice as much yarn as you think the project will require (a corollary to Rule #4).
Rule #16: There is no right way or wrong way, but there is the way to get the same results as shown.
Rule #17: Listen to the yarn.
Rule #18: Yarn sometimes lies.
Rule #19: Exterminate all knots and wonky sections as they arise from a skein.
Rule #20: UFOs that have not spoken to you for more than a year may be considered stash in pre-crocheted form.
Rule #21: Read the fracking pattern.
Rule #22: The pattern could be wrong.
Rule #23: Get it when you see it because when you come back next time it might not be there (another corollary to Rule #4).
Rule #24: Life is too short to mess with indifferent yarn.
Rule #25: Sweat the details.
Rule #26: Crochet is not dumb and neither are crocheters.
Rule #27: Knitting is not the enemy.
Rule #28: Anyone who doesn’t get Rule #26 is the enemy.
Rule #29: Pay attention to the information on the yarn label.
Rule #30: Yarn labels sometimes lie.
Rule #31: The sworn enemy of crochet, eclipsing all others for viciousness and cruelty (including coffee, hot irons and the CEO of the US division of Clover), is Velcro.
Rule #32: Have dessert first. Dessert while crocheting never works out too well (a sort of sidebar to Rule #7).
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i love it! where was this when i was 6 yr old? and got my first trophy for crocheting? -karen koca 32 of wis
I love these rules, they made me laugh….. I need get my husband to believe number 4.
You and me both :o)
AMEN to that!!!!!!!
anyone who can convince their husband of rule #4 needs to be my friend so they can share there wisdom.lol
My fiance doesn’t care one way or the other, lol. I have large boxes of yarn taking up most of our closet and he will still go buy me a color for a project 🙂 Most of what I make I end up selling or giving away so I think that helps, lol.
That was so funny & anybody that does crochet would enjoy. I laughed at the whole thing.
Great rules to live by! 🙂 🙂
So true 🙂
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After making the pearl river shawl twice!!! first with two size 15 knitting needles taped together (because I couldn’t find a size 50 anywhere) plus using a finer yarn with mohair than the pattern recommended, then with a size 50 knitting needle as per the pattern I can appreciate the above. Not withstanding I made two beautiful shawls the first not quite the length yet georgeous none the less. Time spent…don’t ask!
Rule #27 After handling the knitting needles for so long I decided to learn to knit and take a break from crocheting for a spell. I agree knitting is fun, too slow though so back to crochet after this project is complete.
I am working on the Avalon top, and do not understand Round 2 of body all sizes-
Round 2: Ch 1, 4 dc in beginning ch-sp, *sc in first sc of underarm foundation, [ch 5, sk next 2 sc, sc in next 2 sc] 1 (1, 1, 2, 2) times, (THIS IS WHAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND— CH 5, SK NEXT 2 SC, SC IN LAST SC OF UNDERARM)*, (4 sc, ch 5, 4 sc) in next 13 (15, 17, 18, 20) ch-5 sps; repeat from * to * once more across other underarm, (4 sc, ch 5, 4 sc) in next 12 (14, 16, 17, 19) ch-5 sps, 4 sc in same ch-sp as beginning; join with ch 2, dc in first sc—30 (34, 38, 42, 46) ch-sps.
I do not give crochet pattern support here on this site. Please join us at Ravelry.com. There you will find a forum dedicated to my designs, Doris Chan:Everyday Crochet. Post your question there and the posse or I will be along to answer. Thanks for your understanding.
It doesn’t matter how much we love our cats, cats and crochet do not go well together. Even if sound asleep, that kitty can hear the rustle of yarn and crochet hook. Before you realize it, BAM!, you’ve got a really cute YouTube video of “Sweet Kitty Crocheting.”
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I live by number four, though I frequently break rules 2,7,8, and 12.
I’ll be 16 in May. Crocheting is my favorite hobby. Nobody dares to mock it, because they are all in awe over the stuff I can make >:P
this is just beautifully written! I am going to highlight rule # 26 and put it up on my fridge!
I fracking love you, stranger!
Wow I just love your list of “Rules!” I shared it over at Ravelry with my group. Just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed reading each one and sharing it with my fellow crocheters and knitters at Ravelry.
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#5 Cracked me up!
I think I can speak for all Doris Chan fans when I say that we love your designs – they inspire us – but your humor keeps us coming back for more! 😉
I haven’t crocheted in 30 years but have never forgotten how much I enjoyed it. This makes me want to buy some yarn-I still have my mom’s crochet hooks!
Thank you so much for your beautiful patterns and terrific rules. I am a plus-sized woman and some will fit me. I just have one question: How do I convert a regular pattern into a plus-sized pattern
Thank you for your precious time.
Many thanks. Happy to have found your blot.
Wow this is really so funny!
Thank you so much for sharing it! I’m new to crochet (a few months old) and I really love to crochet! I just found your blog after buying your spiral pattern (which is so pretty) and already favourited it. I love the fact that you always talk about random things and they’re really cheeky and makes me smile. Love your simple yet well informed blog! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, I really appreciate it. Happy New Year! May things be brighter and much more exciting for you in 2013! 🙂
Cheers from Singapore!
I Love Your Rules!! ❤👍
I enjoyed reading these rules, going to have to get more crochet hooks.
Love this! Can I get this printed on a shirt? Or framed to display above my stash? 🙂
This was charming and hilarious!
Though I am horribly guilty of breaking Rule #7, to nearly disasterous results.
I’m afraid I’ll never learn 😉
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I wonder what the deal is with the Clover Company…
I was wondering the same thing. What has Clover’s CEO done to incur the wrath of Doris?
I know one CEO I feel that way about… the one at the Canadian company that bought Caron. He/She has dropped my two favorite mid priced yarns, Country and Spa. grrrrrrr Enough of the ubiquitous cheap acrylic… it’s an OK yarn for some projects, but variety is the spice of life. Why buy a company and gut it’s product line?
This was a fantastic read. 🙂 I too break #7 almost every time I pick up a hook. Coffee and crochet are my two favorite things, they must go together! 🙂
Thanks for the good giggles! I wish my husband would understand #4, I have a bookshelf full and he thinks I need to get rid of at least half of it!! AHH NO WAY!
This is such a brilliant read & I love these rules!!
I must brown missing something, what’s a UFO, #20?? The rest are so true! 😊
Un Finished Object. 🙂
LOL love it! Thank you 😁☺😉
Perfection 🙂 you made my day and given me an excuse to drop the housework and pick up my hooks 🙂
Thanks! Now THESE are rules to live by (or ignore if that works better for you).
love these and Shared on FB Time Line. Yhanks for a giggle for this old gal.
I believe if I start doing more & getting rid of some that way hubby will be pleased. I strted giving to a few people who can use an extra skein or 4?? Thx’s & Good Luck this 2015 Hugs
funny… I really need to pay attention more to my project and I’ll save this post in case I forget ; p
Love this!!! I just shared it over at crochetville.com. However, I need to change rule #8 to “Block that cat, whose nails need trimmed” LOL
This is the first time I’ve ever seen or heard of crochet rules.😄 I thought they were a hoot and I laughed at most of them. I wish I’d known about #27 back in 1963 when at age 11and just learning to knit and crochet. Anyway the rules are too funny. Thanks for the laughs.😄
Patterns, rules, recipes and anything else like that are all just guidelines! I love coming here!
Hilarious!!! Thank you for a great laugh!!Love this!!!
Brilliant and complete analysis. I may have to pin your rules to my studio wall. I’m so glad I found you. I’ll just take my grin and get on with Sunday!