>For me fiber events fall into two categories. Either it is a jolly holiday filled with tastings of yarns, chocolate, wine and juicy gossip, punctuated by deep, soul-baring PJ party chats with good buds or good buds-to-be. Or it is a test of endurance and intestinal fortitude on an Olympian scale.

I will say only that TNNA Columbus 2008 was a schizoid brew of both. Rule Number 19: What happens in Columbus stays in Columbus. No exceptions.

Sadly, I was not allowed to wear my happy lucky red China Doll top (see previous post) for the Knitting Daily TV segment shoot on Saturday. But the veto had less to do with the top and all to do with the booth backdrop behind the set. We shot in front of a deep burgundy/maroon colored curtain. Doll was out due to not enough contrast.

Plan B turned out to be the outfit I had worn all day Friday, a combination of white T-shirt and motif tank approved by segment producer Jamie Guthals. Sort of like this, except ignore the camo shorts!

What the frack. I don’t know about you but I don’t enjoy wearing a shirt two days in a row. OK, OK… I’ve been known to sleep in a T-shirt I wore all day. But then the rule is you have to change it the next day. NO exceptions. Anyway, I was in no mood to be washing a top in my hotel sink overnight so it would be acceptably fresh for camera. And who thought to pack two of the same shirts. Really. Like there wasn’t already enough junk in that suitcase. So I had to go to half Plan B and half Plan C. Hey, it worked out fine and the producers were satisfied.

Neither plan anticipated the wacked-out mess that was my hair on that afternoon. Something about the water at the hotel or the suffocating heat of the day was coaxing my hair into a huge salt and pepper rat’s nest. I was obliged to pull it back with a cheapo plastic banana clip I had in my bag. So much for glamour.

Unfortunately/lucky for me no photography is allowed on the convention floor. So no photographic evidence of the event exists. You’ll just have to wait for the segment to air later this fall and imagine the behind the scene hysteria.

The shoot went incredibly well thanks to the team, in particular the aforementioned Jamie, the show producer Kathie, and grand high exhalted kahuna Marilyn Murphy. I felt prepared although there were targs doing the macarena in my stomach. I was almost sorry when it was over. Yeah right. The moment the camera stopped I got the bums rush off the set to make way for the next segment, so I had no chance to meet or thank the rest of the team and crew. Hey guys, consider yourselves thanked! Well, maybe not that sound guy who made me snake the lapel mic up the inside of my T-shirt. I coulda done without that. Just kidding, cutie.

Many thanks to Debbie Skinner and Stacy Charles of Tahki Stacy Charles, my segment sponsor, for providing yarns, prep work and moral support.

One last reflection on the shoot. It’s about my segment host, Kim Werker, editor of Interweave Crochet. Although it may sound annoyingly worshipful and possibly swooning, I must say if I again find myself cast adrift in a crochet life-raft with the camera rolling, I’d want Kim in the bow seat. If you ever have the privilege of working with Kim here are two tips. Avoid at all costs doing anything that earns you the Werker PENETRATING STARE. If she throws that at you, you are doomed. But on the other hand, if you receive the beam of the Werker Wag (the totally adorable way Kim has of lifting or waggling her eyebrows), all is well and Life is Good. Very good indeed. You might even be asked back.

>An aspect of my crochet MO that I don’t readily discuss is procrastination. I tell myself that when I’m put under serious pressure I will surely rise to the occasion and perform better than I would if given all the time in the world. Yeah, right.

Not being ready for an event is what I do best. Take the TNNA (The National NeedleArts Association) industry show this week in Columbus, Ohio. TNNA has become THE place for designers to network (i.e. hang out, spend way too much time at the hotel bar), load up on freebies like yarn and tools, and mostly show off their crochet wearables by parading around in them. I had my little heart set on crocheting my own China Doll (see earlier post) to wear. It’s ready. I am not ready to wear it. I will never be ready. I coulda been ready twenty years ago.

My Doll is quite lovely. She is made in the Filatura Di Crosa “Brillante” that I begged from Tahki Stacy Charles for the occasion. A Happy Lucky Chinese red. What other color is there?

Here she is, photographed on my petite dummy, who isn’t quite up to the gig. Let’s not mince words. The dummy is flat-chested. But, how serendipitous! This presents an illustration of what not to do.

I worked some short-row bust shaping for myself, which I actually take up with side bra-line and back flesh, know what I’m saying? But if you examine the bottom of this image, you’ll notice that the front is hanging too long on the dummy. That’s what happens when you make bust shaping and you don’t need it. What you don’t take up in width, you will invariably gain in length.

Now, here’s the thing. I’ve been asked to do an interview and demonstration segment for Knitting Daily TV while I’m at TNNA. KDTV is produced by Interweave; my segment sponsor is Tahki Stacy Charles. I thought it would be appropriate to be wearing on camera something I designed for Interweave Crochet made in TSC yarn, ties together kinda neat, huh? So I volunteered to appear in my personal China Doll.

So I got a memo from the segment producer concerning wardrobe:

Final thoughts on wardrobe: Avoid wearing BLACK, WHITE and RED. WHITE IS NEVER OKAY, not even as a tank, because it washes you out on camera. Bright colors and jewel tones look best. Black and red can be worn in conjunction with other colors: i.e. a black tank with an overblouse or jacket of another color or print. It is advisable to avoid large floral or geometric prints. Also avoid tiny stripes, polka dots or checks as they have a tendency to “dance” on screen. Outfits must accommodate microphones, so a front opening of some kind is desirable. No turtlenecks. Long or ¾ length sleeves look best. Short sleeves and sleeveless do not look flattering on camera. Also avoid heavy or warm clothing, but this is a knitting show and sweaters and vests are always good. Please bring at least one back-up outfit in the event that something planned is inappropriate. There is not a dressing area (although we are close to a restroom) so please arrive dressed.

YIKES! My Doll is not only the wrong color but also has no real front opening and fracking short sleeves. Now I have to come up with a PLAN B, in case my Doll gets vetoed. Panic is setting in. What I do between now and Saturday is what separates the pikers from the pros.

Somebody just shoot me.